


Make it all stop

by Mercury_Writer



Series: Hurt Jake Peralta [5]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt Jake Peralta, Jake Peralta Needs a Hug, Just real sad, Sad, Self-Worth Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:21:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29788428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercury_Writer/pseuds/Mercury_Writer
Summary: Jake just wanted it all to stop. He felt worthless, like a burden to everyone and everything was too much, so he decided to make it all go away.
Relationships: Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago
Series: Hurt Jake Peralta [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1783708
Kudos: 18





	Make it all stop

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING- Suicide, this fic centers around suicide and a suicide attempt- please don't read if this is triggering for you

He just wanted it to stop. For everything to just stop. The world to fall silent and stop spinning. For all the pain and hurt to go away. He wanted it all to end. He tried, he tried so fucking hard but no matter what he seemed to do he'd always end up back in the same place as he was now, feeling worthless, like he didn't matter, like everything he did was pointless, like everyone would be better off if he wasn't there. He wanted it all to stop and he knew exactly what to do to make it stop. He could end it all right now, and he'd maybe- finally- be at peace and he wouldn't be such a burden to everyone. Besides, who would miss him? They'd all move on quickly, all he seemed to do was drag everybody down, so why bother sticking around to make everyone miserable. He knew what he had to do and he decided, one miserable, lonely night that he was going to. 

He'd messed up again- what felt like the hundredth time that week- he felt like a failure. He could tell Holt was disappointed in him, the rest of the squad probably was too. What kind of detective messes up a simple arrest and lets the perp get away? Terry told him that it didn't matter and he'll soon be caught, but Jake swears he sees the disappointment in Terry's eyes, even if Terry won't admit it. Everything just spirals from there, every small comment or action seemed to effect him, it was like everything was out to get him and was going wrong. 

Jake continued to spiral further and further, depression and feelings of self-hatred taking over. He tried to hide that he was struggling at work, his mask slipped rarely and the squad was fooled into thinking he was okay. He didn't know whether or not to be relieved that the squad hadn't noticed or be hurt that they didn't care enough to see. Jake took this as further conformation that he'd be better off gone, no-one cared enough to see if he was struggling and he felt that he was making so many mistakes that they would all benefit if he wasn't there. Everyone always said about how messy, unorganized and childish he was, they didn't like him- Jake convinced himself- they pretended to and only put up with him because it was easier to. 

Everything just built up and up over time, there wasn't exactly a tipping point- something that made Jake decide to take life, more just everything got too much and he needed it all to stop; the insecurities to go away, the feelings or failure, feeling like he is a burden to everyone- everything was all too much. It would be better for everyone if he was dead, he concluded, so decided to make that happen. 

Wordlessly, he left the precinct on his final day there and made the solitary walk home. He put on Die Hard- his favorite movie- and watched it one final time. The movie finished, the credits rolled and he got up, went to his phone and sent message to everyone saying a final goodbye- it was easier this way than in person- that way no-one could stop him, not that they would want to- Jake thought dejectedly. He sent a message to his mom and everyone on the squad then turned his phone off. He placed his phone on the kitchen counter sighing heavily before walking into his bedroom one last time. He had some pills, enough to do what he wanted. He took them in his hand, staring at them for a moment before swallowing them.

Amy was still at the precinct when her phone went off, just finishing some last details on the case she and Jake had closed that same day- the last case Jake would do. She didn't check it straight away, deciding to finish up her paperwork as it was almost complete. It was a further ten minutes before she checked her phone. Tears filled her eyes as he read the message, a look of anguish gripping her features. She picked up her bag and ran to her car, phoning Rosa, Charles anyone who would pick up. Boyle did pick up, he said he got a message too and was heading to Jake's apartment and soon hung up. Amy could barely see the road ahead of her because of her tears, but that didn't stop her, she had to get to Jake's. She prayed silently that she or Charles wouldn't be too late to save him. She tries not to think about how she, or any of the squad, failed to see that Jake was struggling. 

When she got to Jake's apartment Rosa and Charles were already there with Holt and Terry on their way. An ambulance had been called and the paramedics were there. Jake had taken an overdose they were informed. Seemingly a miracle, Jake was still alive, although barely. He was rushed to hospital by the paramedics, Holt and Terry agreed to meet Rosa, Amy and Charles there as they followed behind the ambulance. None of them spoke on the way to the hospital. None of them knew what to say and they all felt so guilty for not doing anything to help Jake or noticing that anything was wrong. They all hoped more than anything that Jake would be okay. If he made it they all promised to do everything to help him. They all felt they had failed him and swore that they never would again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry that this is so angsty. I was feeling quite low so channeled that into writing and this happened (it's a lot darker than I thought it would be tbh).
> 
> I may add another chapter at some point, idk
> 
> Thank you for reading, hope y'all are doing okay xxx


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